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Are you a friend, or just “friended?”

Today I was thinking about an interview I heard on NPR recently on social media networking. They were talking about an unfortunate incident that happened on Facebook, I think. Apparently, a woman wrote to indicate that she was considering suicide. She did. Afterwards, there was an investigation that included asking her Facebook friends why they did nothing. They said things like “I didn’t know if she thought of me as a real friend.”  and “I don’t really know her.” and “I didn’t know what I could do.”  It leads to some very pressing questions about what all this social networking really means, doesn’t it?

But, for today, it struck me that there is also a difference in our face-to-face world between being a friend and being “friended.”  Questions, then:

• Are we friended because we joined a staff?
• Are we friended when we join an association?
• Are we, sort of, friended when we arrive in a family?
• Are we just friended when we want people to like us more than we first take the time to discern if we like them?
• Do people stay in relationships past their stale date because they don’t want to be “unfriended?”

And, the bigger questions:

• What is our responsibility to the friended?
• How is that different from our responsibilities to our friends?
• Is it ever appropriate to be less than civil to either?
• How do we transition from friended to friend status in real life?

I’m really interested in your thoughts about this because it is a truly important question in this social media world.  One thing I’m sure of, Facebook is no different than actual face-to-face networking. In the real world, it is not whoever leaves with the most cards from a networking event is the most successful. On Facebook, it is not whoever has the most friends wins.

I think there has to be a real distinction between the social aspects of Facebook interaction and the business side of things. If you aggregate large numbers of friends because you think you want to tell them what you’re eating--three meals a day, I suggest you may have too much time on your hands. If you simply share the most divine meal ever with them, you’re letting them into your world.  If you are just attracted by large numbers you can tell the world you have on Facebook, then, you’re on your own.

You can invite your friends to know about you, what truly drives your bus, floats your boat, and flips your skirt. That’s creating relationship. However, if you are using your “friendeds” as only potential folks to market to, the place to do that is  through a Fan/Like/or “whatever they are calling it in the strangely morphing world of Facebook” page.  That’s where people have raised their hands to say that they are interested in what you do in your business life. Just because you friend them doesn’t mean they want to be solicited, marketed or sold to. Of course, occasionally telling all your folks about what’s happening in your life, including your business,  that really excites, thrills or inspires you is simply letting them into your world. My words here are simply to invite us all to be conscious of what we’re actually doing…and why.

So, maybe that’s where things went terribly wrong for that woman who tried to tell the world she was in pain and wanting to leave. She had a whole lot of “friendeds” and no friends.  It’s certainly food for thought!

I’m going to think more about the questions and get back to you.  I hope you’ll come along to my page on Facebook and continue the dialogue there: http://facebook.com/SowPeace

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is a Peace Catalyst and Relationship Re-Mediator™.  Founder of Sow Peace™ International, she focuses on empowering individuals, leaders and teams with solutions and skills that get to the heart of communication, conflict and conscious collaboration. She leads clients to align their daily lives and their work with their vision, values, beliefs and purpose…while making money and making a difference. A popular keynote speaker, Dr. Shaler has shared her light-hearted approach and value-packed content with audiences, teams and readers for more than twenty-five years. Author of over two dozen books and audio programs, including her most recent books, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work and Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, Dr. Shaler helps people communicate in ways that are totally kind and totally honest at the same time. That sows peace. Subscribe to her blog and get your complimentary half hour session at http://SowPeace.com